During a veterans, ceremony I attended as a youngster, I noticed an old soldier proudly dressed in his uniform, standing erect but staring into the distance, as if he were in a different time and place. When the roll call of the war dead was announced, the soldier’s emotions overpowered him. His lips trembled and several tears slowly ran down his cheek.

I had no idea what had affected him. I always believed that war veterans were the most courageous men in the world, but his tears gave me reason to doubt this, for I had witnessed a sign of weakness. Or had I?

Years later, while serving as an infantryman in the Vietnam War, I had to watch young men die horribly in combat. When I came home and began attending parades as a war veteran, I understood how that old soldier felt. The solemn drumbeat, the waving flag and the rifle fire from the honor guard stirred my emotions as well. Without realizing it, I had become one of those veterans who are sometimes haunted by the memories of the most intense period of our lives.

The general population often expects returning veterans to resume civilian life as if nothing significant has occurred, but it is naive to think that anyone exposed to war would not be changed in some way. After all, a lifetime of extreme ordeals has been crammed into a relatively short period of time.

Initially I tried to forget about the war, but as armed conflicts continue to flare up around the world, the painful memories creep back. Old battlefield scenes become vivid when the war dead are remembered as forever-young comrades who will never again hug their parents. The sad tear that a veteran eventually sheds is not a sign of weakness; it represents the soul of youth and a confrontation with the ghosts of the past.

When a fellow soldier is killed in battle, there is no wake or funeral and no time to grieve. In combat, there are more important things to think about, like keeping oneself alive. ‘Emotions are suppressed under the cold thought: " I’m glad it wasn’t me." To cope, wartime soldiers try not to take death too seriously, either joking about it or brushing it off as routine, but the relief of escaping death when others do not Often carries with it the burden of survivor’s guilt from the absence of a proper farewell.

In addition to the threat of being killed or wounded, soldiers endure miserable living conditions and suffer through the loneliness of missing family, friends and events at home.

Despite the difficulties, serving in the military during wartime was not pure hell from start to finish. Most service members fought proudly and demonstrated courage, principles, kindness and friendship; almost none cared about heroism or glory. War Veterans developed a unique bond and perspective on life that is best reflected in a soldier’s quotation made famous during the Vietnam War: "You have never lived until you have almost died. For those who fought for it, life has a flavor the protected will never know."

In the aftermath of war, the country looks for ways to ease the pain and guilt that citizens inflict on themselves. As a part of the healing process, cities and towns build war monuments to honor publicly those who served. These monuments are not intended to glorify war but are instead necessary reminders that the true cost of protecting freedom is the highest cost, life itself. Without proper remembrance, the sacrifices and disruption of lives would be meaningless.

By Arthur Wiknik Jr.